Houseparty
J. Geils Ban
No Anchovies Pleas
This is the story of a young couple in Portland, Maine
While waiting for her husband Don to return home from work, she reaches fo
a can of anchovies.As she spreads the tiny fish across a piece of lettuce
she notices a small note at the bottom of the can.Written on it is
telephone number.Curious, she dials, and is told, "Don't move, lady, we'l
be right over."Placing the phone back on the hook, she turns to see thre
smartly dressed men standing in her kitchen doorway.Before she realize
what is happening to her, she is rolled tightly in long sheets of cellophane
transported to an international airport, and placed on a waiting jet-liner
All this being too much for her to comprehend, she passes out
Upon awakening, she finds herself in a strange, foreign speaking natio
("Dalas nekcihc dna tihs nekcihc neewteb ecnereffid eht wonk ot suineg
ekat t'nseod ti.").Alone, fearing her escape impossible, she seeks comfor
in the arms of a confidential agent.With the trace of her kiss still war
upon his lips, he betrays her to the hands of three scientists who ar
engaged in diabolical, avant-garde experiments previously performed only o
insects and other small, meaningless creatures.Using her as their subject
they are delighted with the results.For the first time, a human being i
transformed into a ("shhh... it's secret")
Meanwhile, back in Portland, Maine..
Her husband Don, now chain-smoking 40 packs of cigarettes a day, sits at
local bar and has a few beers with the regulars.Bored, everyone'
attention turns to the television set that just hangs from the wall
("Welcome to Bowling for Dollars").Suddenly, crazy Al says, "S-say, Don
there sure is something familiar about that bowling ball."To which
terrified Don replies, "Oh my God!That bowling ball!It's my wife!"
And the lesson we learn from this story is, next time you place your order
don't forget to say, "No anchovies please."
